But for now, buy, baby, BUY! whoo hooo!
I went to the mall the other day not only to buy some flannel sheets (love flannel sheets in the winter time, warm, fuzzy, enveloping a body with instant warmth) but also to mingle among the throngs of holiday shoppers.
(Now why the hell would I do that!?)
The malls at this time of the year make me imagine what it must be like inside an ant colony. (I used to be an ant, you know)
Everybody is busy going this way and that, up, down, left, right, store to store to find if not THE perfect gift at least one that is useful (for men) and romantic (for women) and fun if a kid.
Good people dutifully and briskly walking hither and yon with their bags of goodies and gifts and who knows what else.
I go to the mall a couple times before each Christmas, sit on the bench, legs outstretched, ankles crossed and eat an ice cream cone as the throngs cascade around me, veering around my outstretched legs.
I do this for myself of course, just to remember the time that I too did the same scurrying about as everyone in front and behind me is doing.
I remember once a distant time ago, another life ago, that I set about to find a specific gift but was having big-time trouble in locating it in any number of stores. (I think it was a particular multi-functional "Walkman" radio for Josh )
As I was fast-walking in the mall that Christmas Eve afternoon I came up behind a person who was slow walking and I thought, almost said out loud to her, "Get the fuck out of my way!".
I was finally able to get around her, like a car trying to pass on a busy road, glancing with disdain at the side of her face as I passed her and sped on ahead in my quest to find the requested gift.
I never did find the right radio/recorder. Popular item no doubt and so bought a lesser version, spending 40 bucks for a gift guaranteed to disappoint, as it did.
Echos of the past does so often influence our spirit-presence in the now-world. The older we get it seems the greater the reverberations from our own vasty deep.
And now..?...
HA!
No! Wait..Double that: HA HA!
I sit on the mall bench, eating my ice cream, participating in an in-the-moment savoring of my escape from those times. Re-experiencing the sage-old advice to "Go placidly amid the noise and haste, and remember what peace there may be in silence." (Desiderata )
Malls are eternally all alike in their essence and in this similar scene-of-the-crime a sense of my freedom from the holiday shopping madness that overtakes us in the two weeks before Christmas comes upon me.
Freedom from our obligatory buying of gifts for other people at precisely this time of the year.. is wonderfully renewed.
I leave the busy ant hill with the slightest of smile and walk slowly back to the car much the same as that women walked slowly in front of me in some mall a distant time ago.
I do not turn around to see if any are disturbed at not being able to pass by me.
(Now before any of you reading this jump all over me for not participating in the gifting ritual, let me add my asterisk to that way of seeing/being: if there were children in my life at this time my attitude would certainly be different in that I have always maintained that "Christmas is for the kids" and I still do harbor that attitude.)
But c'mon folks.. we're adults here, aren't we? AREN'T WE?
Do I really want or need to buy someone something (often anything!) and do I need to receive a present of something that I probably could care less about?
For me that answer is"no".. I do not need to give a present in pretty paper to those I love nor do I need to get a present from those that, without any kind of proof positive, care as much for my own well-beingness. Gifts that I give to others and gifts that I receive from others occur throughout the whole year and these real gifts to and from ourselves to others are never wrapped in any kind pretty paper with "to" and "from" tags.
Patti's attitude was exactly the same as my own, of which I was always thankful to her for that. Our giving to one another of the "no-gift" gift, was our Christmas Gift to each other. We were (still are) one another's Gift.
We had nothing to prove to one another. Love was enough. Love is enough.
If anyone is reading this, I would wish for you that kind of real Gift.
But only if it's something that you would really like. It appears that many folks do enjoy the traffic and the mall and the stress of finding the perfect gift and often spending big bucks that they don't have all for the payoffs that occur on Christmas eve and morning.
It appears that most folks do and I am in a tiny minority.
We pursue happiness [and unhappiness] in a so many ways, but occasionally, even I when it suits my fancy, go against such mighty social pressures [like buying everyone a present] by deliberately not doing what everybody else is doing.
In any case...
Merry Christmas to all and as they say, to all a very good night. (and maybe even treat yourself to some flannel sheets) :-)b
Ready for flying on a shoreline of Martha's Vineyard (sept 09)
