Things change. Life exhales.
I do not know where this new journal writing will take me, if anywhere.
A couple of things to mention:
Regardless of what I write and photograph and video and post here, email notifications of new entries are finished.
I'm done with all that.
They've served their purpose for the kind of blogging I've been doing but that's enough.
Recently I had a complaint from a subscriber of my being too self-effacing and negatively oriented in my journaling here. That it was a bring-down.
I realized also that there is some truth in that, perhaps a great deal of truth in the complaint.
I've given it all a lot of thought over the last few weeks. It made me realize that if only one person was courageous enough to step up and tell me that then no doubt more than a few are feeling the same but are too polite to say so.
At first I thought that I should try to modify my thoughts on future entries, to edit them and pass them through some kind of "light, bright, happy & uplifting, G-rated, Walt Disney family-friendly-stand-up-and-cheer" filter on everything I post here so as not to bring down others who themselves may be struggling with their own pain and dark sides.
It sorta made sense to me because it's really unfair to others who read me that I add my "stuff" even more to their own contained pain.
But as these weeks have went by I began to think, "Oh screw that!".
My life is not some kind of single-sided, day-long exercise in sugary sweet cuteness reminiscent of a feel-good family movie.
I am indeed at times self-effacing. On occasion, I do think myself to be the "merde de au merde" (did I say that right?) and I do put myself down. (I like to think of it paying a debt to the easily angered God of Hubris lest he burn my ass for the other times of being a cocky-locky rooster.)
I have my dark sides and my weaknesses, my culturally-induced shame of serious lack of life accomplishments (Please don't ask again what I used to do for a living, how I make my money! ), all of which I can easily justify but still I'm not particularly proud of.
Who doesn't have their dark sides? Show me that soul and I'll show you one who walks in their sleep.
Life is not singular in neither form nor action but rather a most holy trifold, the Inner Triumvirate interacting for control... the forces of Light, the forces of Dark and the Willful (Holy Ghost) blending of the two giving rise to creation-renewed which itself becomes predominately Light or Dark.. and so it goes if not forever then a pretty damn long time, great and small waves of Time.
I believe the real question may simply be "Who do you trust?".
Who do we trust enough to share the real stuff with?.. and who won't betray that trust, or even try to "fix it" with quicky home remedy and worn-out cliche'. Indeed, do we even trust our own selves not to deceive. Protection in the forms of deception and diversion are means to the end game of ego-survival.
Do we trust another to handle-with-care? Do we trust ourselves to undress, arms held high and just Let Go?
Figure that out and we just might be able to give ourselves permission to move on toward renewed ascendancy in our journey through this world.
What a gift that could turn out to be.
As mentioned above, I do not know where this new journal writing will take me, if anywhere.
For better or for worse, up or down, light or dark..I'm just going to let it happen (or not).
~ bill (and patti)
Hi yo my giraffee! I am here, you are there.
We were not finished.
