I've clearly felt a turning point in this journey. The essence of it is completed. I (we?) came again to the Lake and Patti's beloved Eagle Nest. It's finished for this year.
My proposed hike to Castle Rock has become fogged over with a sense of 5-6 hours of walking the trail of boredom.
"So what?" I ask myself.
I've been there.. I've done that. It's not that thrilling. It's just walking and climbing until some blisters and thoughts form themselves on my sole (soul).
Again I am cursed with my own life-long dark demon of "So what?".
This wraith rides his haggard black stallion with me always. I cannot remember when the last time I thought to myself in being involved with something.. "Goddamn I love doing this!".
As you can see dear reader, the journey has now turned inward ..where I live. As "out there" in the world there is both Light and Dark so too
in here" there is Light and Dark. As it is with all of us.
Our internal worlds are also filled with moving parts, cycles..seasons of change.
I sometimes envy Barbara and Margaret.
They both are endlessly interested in the slightest of things.
Ever attracted to this and that and finding the light-fandangle of it all, I sometimes wonder if either of them are ever bored with their lives.
Well, that's silly.. of course they know boredom and the turn of the screw into worlds of stress, who doesn't?..but you wouldn't know it to be around them.
Maybe that's why I like being around them. They have a way of lifting me up out of the doldrums with their ceaseless winds blowing this way and that.
That is until I begin to long for the silence of my own calm again.
"Go placidly amid the noise and haste and remember what peace there may be in silence" (desiderata)
I do like the silence... It was one of Patti's qualities that so endeared her to me and allowed us to live together in fullness. We could drive for hours at a stretch and never utter a single word toward the other. Neither of us ever had the compulsive need to talk. We fit one another like a yin fits a yang.
Wholeness moving as one. I do believe that underneath all aspirations that is what we long for most.. wholeness.
I do like the silence..and heaping helpings of silence as has been with me this last week after leaving Martha's Vineyard.
That is until the quiet that comes naturally from aloneness turns on me.
So here I sit in the Museum parking lot typing this..9:43am. I'll move into the foyer in about 15 minutes where there is a electrical outlet. My laptop battery is flashing red and needs some re-charging.
I'm thinking I may need some re-charging as well.
It's 3 hours later now.. afternoon. Time to get on the road again. Time for some breakfast.
We'll see what the day presents. I will be leaving this area. That's decided.
But first to give the compass a spin of my own. North, south, southwest.. unknown as I write this.
Just to let you all know.. I've decided to end email notifications when I update this online journal.
If you are not following along out of a sniggling of interest by now then prodding you daily seems pointless. I will continue to write here until I pull into the parking garage back in DC. So, bookmark me if you are so inclined. Update notifications are finished.
Until tomorrow then.. :-)
